Pieces Of My Heart

Over the past month or so I've kind of fallen behind with my engagement with you guys, starting with the fashion weeks and going all the way up until to now. A few times I've even drafted posts explaining my absence but really I just didn't want to dive too deep into my personal life, so I ended up tossing them. But this last month has been heavy, and I'm starting to think the not writing down my feelings has probably been a mistake. 

I have two Best Friends in my life, My Mom and My Grandmother. Since I was a little girl I've had this unbreakable (and nonconventional) bond with my Grandmother, she put a paint brush in my hand long before I was old enough to talk and has encouraged my creativity since. And as I've grown older we've only gotten closer, even if from afar. We're on the phone at least 5 times week chatting about the boy's latest adventures, my blog, and the family (among a million other things). She just gets me, and I get her.

I lost her Sunday morning to Ovarian Cancer.

I'm lucky to have been there by her side for the last month, laughing, making new memories, and talking about the old. We played scrabble, sat in bed watching our favorite shows and I even went back in time to create a master piece of clothing from a paper bag to go along with one of her favorite memories of me. It was amazing.  Each day was an emotional roller coaster, but worth every moment, none the less.

As the reality starts to sink in that she's not going to be at the other end of the phone anymore, I feel my heart start to ache. I feel sad that the boys will no longer have her in their lives, and even worse, they might not even remember her. I know I have a long process ahead of me and that things will really never be the same again. I am sad to have to say goodbye to my best friend, mentor and grandmother.

She will forever be in my heart and of those she touched.